Stop! Romance isn't dead; even if the chances of gay marriage are looking a bit under the weather, no one can take away your right to a night of fun and chocolate bon bons. Whether you're happily single or in a miserable relationship, even the most cynical among us can get excited about something for Valentine's Day. Think of it as an excuse to try something new -- whether it's a new guy, a new restaurant or a new position -- that's up to you.
Here are a few ideas on how to make the most of the holiday:
Make a date
Don't wait to be asked and then mope around when the night finally arrives. With a little bit of planning, a new haircut and a breath strip, finding a date should be easy. As the countdown to V day begins, keep your eyes open for potential candidates. The next time you strike up a conversation with someone, bring up the holiday and see how they respond.
Example: You -- "I can't believe it's almost Valentine's Day, and I don't have a date yet." Him – "My boyfriend will be out of town that night, why don't you come over." Well, you get the picture.
Plan a party
Invite all your single friends over and tell them that instead of bringing a bottle of booze, they have to bring at least one other single friend. Before you know it, you'll have a house full of hot guys, half of which you haven't slept with. To make it interesting, you can plan group activities, like Speed Dating. Or, you can hand out Valentine's Day cards for your guests to send each other love notes, phone numbers, or house keys. Serve champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries to put everybody in the mood for romance.
Eat your heart out
They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Obviously, this was written by a straight woman who knew nothing about the prostate. Nevertheless, if you want to plan a romantic evening it needs to include a candlelight dinner. You can either call in sick at work and stay home to prepare a proper seven course meal, or dine out. If you're going to pick a nice restaurant, then you should call to make your reservation as soon as possible, since places tend to book up fast for that night. If you're feeling adventurous, then forget about the raw oysters and go for a political statement instead. Pick the straightest restaurant in town and spend the whole meal feeding each other and playing footsy. After all, what's the point in fighting for marriage equality if you can't even show a little PDA?
Simple gestures Nothing says I love you like a diamond-studded cock ring, but for a first date you might want to stick with flowers. For Valentine's Day, only roses will do. White is for friendship, pink is for people who can't make up their minds, and red is for love and passion. Chocolate is another traditional gift. This is your chance to show some class and upgrade that Whitman's sampler to a boutique treat from Godiva, Joseph Schmidt or Good Vibrations chocolate body sauce.
Creativity earns extra points, and so does thoughtfulness. If you know what your boyfriend really likes, then put it in some pretty packaging and give it to him at dinner. And if he doesn't get anything for you, then it's either time to dump him or work it out in trade. An easy thing you can do if you're short on time or money is to make him gift receipts or IOUs for services that he can only redeem from you: a back rub, bubble bath, or sexual favor.
Sex, please
If this was your first date, then by now you've exchanged names, had a few drinks, and you're ready to see that heart-shaped tattoo on his thigh. If you've been together a while, then this is your perfect chance to spice things up a bit or show him your romantic side. This means having the right setting or props. It can be as simple as lighting a few candles and sprinkling rose petals on the bed (warning! do not try on light-colored 600 thread Egyptian cotton sheets!), or booking a room at a nearby hotel or B&B. But why should you be the one doing all the work? Ask him to fulfill one of your favorite fantasies.
Pity Party of one
Finally, for those of you die-hard anti-globalization activists who refuse to celebrate a holiday created by multi-national greeting card companies... stay at home and watch a movie. Here are my top picks for anyone who's immune to the power of love: Hussler White, Requiem for a Dream, War of the Roses, Boxing Helena and Evil Dead 2.
As for the rest of you, I have it on good authority that Cupid is pulling a few arrows from his queer quiver and aiming them your way. Let's just hope that his aim is better than his taste in underwear.
P.S.
For those of you wondering about the origins of Valentine's Day, apparently there's some debate. However, here's one legend that seems appropriate for these times. Apparently, the Emperor of Rome decided he preferred single young men (who wouldn't?!) over married men for his army. Therefore, he made it illegal for young men to marry. Try passing that as a ballot initiative in Oregon! Supposedly, Valentine earned his halo by defying the imperial decree and marrying lusty young couples eager to dodge the draft and the wrath of their parents. He was executed for his actions, making him the patron saint of lovers and greeting card companies everywhere. Who knows, 500 years from now gay couples may be celebrating St. Gavin's Day.
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